Independence

Let me preface this by directing you to my twitter account, @MidwestSratStar. If any of you are coming from twitter, you will know that about 2 months ago, I went through a break-up with my boyfriend of 14 months, who I was "talking" to for two years, and who I also lived with. The best way to describe this break-up was, well, heart-breaking. I believed he was the one, and who I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Looking back now, I realize I was being stupid, but that's a story for another day. The reason why I direct you to my twitter is because it shows the journey I went through pre, and post break-up, and might help explain a lot of what I'm saying in this post.

I always used to be so proud of the fact that I was "independent" from my parents, as I didn't live with them, paid for everything on my own, and never leaned on them for emotional support (again, in retrospect, I was very stupid about that as well. Different story for a different day). However, in turn, I had redirected my dependence on my parents to dependence on my boyfriend. Financially, I really was completely independent, minus a few hiccups and bad decision making. Emotionally, however, I was completely reliant on him. Every ounce of my happiness depended on if he was happy, and I truly believed that he was the only person who could make me happy. Needless to say, after we broke up, I was a wreck and SO unhappy. The entire month I still lived in Ohio before moving was a miserable month. I moped, I cried a lot, didn't hang out with any of my friends, and when I did see them, I was so depressing. And then I moved. And then I began to see my life from a different point of view. I came to a life changing realization.

My own happiness was up to me, and me only. 

I could cry and mope and be as depressed as I wanted to, but I would be like that forever until I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and get on with my life. No one else would be able to make that decision for me. My friends and family could try to drag me out of bed, or cheer me up temporarily, but it wouldn't be until I decided I wanted to be happy, that I would be happy.

In DC, I've been trying this new thing, where I just do what I want to do. Obviously I stay within reason, as in making smart decisions (staying away from drugs, not being slutty, waiting until my 21st to drink, etc.) and taking care of my responsibilities, but that doesn't mean I can't have fun still. I'm blessed with an amazing job, which provides me with some awesome friends and people who enjoy me for who I actually am. If they want to hang out, and I'm free, I go! It could be something silly, like this morning I went frisbee golfing with a few of them. It turns out I majorly suck at the sport of frisbee golf, but at the same time, it was a great experience, and we could laugh about our silly mistakes.

Something I've also learned is that it's okay to do things alone. I'm in a town of professionals and a place where it's socially acceptable to sit down at a restaurant, alone, and have a meal. The idea of doing this kinda weirded me out at first, but I warmed up to it, and I've eaten alone several times now. I'm embracing my independence one day at a time, whether it be going to the grocery alone, walking around town by myself, or hanging out with my friends when I want to. I don't have to abide by someone else's rules, or rely on other people for happiness.

This is my Declaration of Independence, and I'm happy.